Wealth Can’t Buy Health


Tell me about it, not that I have got a lot of wealth to impart in trying to buy health but…

Sigh, Today is the closest I’ve felt to ‘normal’ in more than three weeks.

Got a whopping case of Gastritis 😦

I have always been an unhealthy little brat (and it sucks, coming from a family of disgustingly healthy folks, they tend to suspect me of hypochondria), but I had forgotten how terrible my gastritis, when it acts up could be because I hadn’t had it in over two years.

I was following this specialised yoga course that had been guaranteed to pep up my health and it really had worked. Only it spoiled me a bit too. Where before, I had learnt to live with constant aches and pains and frequent rounds of really bad illnesses like gastritis et al, I had now learnt to enjoy good health (or rather take it for granted) πŸ˜›

To such an extent that I made a royal fuss both at home and at work, when I fell ill after two years’ reprieve. The folks at home were OK (means a leeetle bit sympathetic and not too cynical) and at work, I had the Puppeteer waiting on me hand and foot πŸ˜€

I won’t drone on about all the details of my sickness though I would love to. I don’t want you to start thinking like my meanie of a sis that I am a hypochondriac, so if that is what you are thinking, you can bloody well keep it to yourself, Humph!

Why can’t people understand that all I need is a lot of Tender Loving Care? 😦

My own mother goes on and on and on, Mrs. Bennet style about how it’s all my own fault, how I eat too much fatty/oily/spicy foods, how I never pay any attention to my health blah, blah, blah.

And then there’s my sister. If she doesn’t stop sniffing and snorting all over the place while I am moaning in my bed and my parents are fussing over me, she is going to get her nose punched in soon.

Its not like I have it all. My own mother has inflicted on me, her flesh and blood, a constant diet of saltless, spiceless food. How could she do this to me? I don’t want boiled vegetables, I want juicy, fresh fruits, I want coffee, I want all the spicy, fried snacks she makes…Waaah!

It’s mango and rambutan season now, two of my favourite fruits and I am not allowed to eat them because they apparently stir up heat 😦

And so my very considerate family keeps them out of my sight and would have me believe they are abstaining for my sake. Warms my heart – indeed it does, especially when I see all the peelings and seeds in the waste bin.

A couple of days back, I convinced my mother that I should be allowed to eat atleast water melon as that was considered cooling. She relented so I ate *ahem* half a huge water melon. Don’t look at me like that, I am a hungry kid these days.

Ah, It was sweet and lucisious and felt good but…

*Sigh* As soon as I finished I had chills all over my body and came down with a mild temperature. Goodness, the scolding I got. All mothers-to-be should be given mandatory lessons on coddling their children, mine is seriously lacking in that department.

The next day, I woke up with pincers around my heart. Some crab had somehow sneaked in and gotten hold of the miserable organ. I knew better than to update my family about this latest development so I kept quiet and went to work as usual, clutching my heart all the way like I was about to have a heart attack. Actually there were several times on the way when I thought I was having one.

But there was consolation to be had – the puppeteer was her usual solicitious self – thank goodness for some things πŸ˜€

So, after playing on her heartstrings for awhile (I could have gone on at it indefinitely but I guess she got tired), she recommended that I go see a doctor.

A doctor? I hate doctors. I hate hospitals and nurses too. I hate the smell of hospitals and I hate the smell of doctors and nurses – they all give off this horrible antiseptic smell πŸ˜›

I think I have blogged about this before. If I have to, I prefer to go to a veddamahattaya rather than a doctor. Vedamahattayas don’t smell antiseptic and they don’t stick injections in me.

So NO, I refused to go to a doctor with her. Then she came up with the diagnosis herself that the gas was trapped in my chest and that we needed to get it out. Well BRILLIANT! It’s gas caused by gastritis, we know that much but how to get it out?

“Drink Coke!”


That was the puppeteer’s solution, to drink coke and get me to burp out the gas. In the first place, I had been forced to see a doctor sometime before who had warned me off all soft drinks. And in the second place (don’t you DARE sneer), I don’t like coke. I like Fanta and Sprite well enough but Coca Cola in my opinion is one of the greatest hoaxes of all time. Some foul tasting medicine like stuff that people have been conned into believing actually tastes good and is cool to drink.

If I had to choose a soft drink to go against doctor’s orders, it certainly wouldn’t have been coke but she insisted Coke was the fizziest and the one most likely to get me to burp. (Just had your lunch and feel grossed out reading this? Ha sorry! Burrrrrrrrp :P)

Anyway, I finally grew tired of the constant pinching on my heart and was desperate enough to give anything a try, so she went off to get a can of coke. And in short order, I found myself on the balcony away from prying eyes and delicate constitutions, trying to burp my way through a can of coke. But seeing that I wasn’t all that used to chugging coke, I wasn’t too good at it.

What the puppeteer had in mind probably was for me to go BURRRRP, BUARRRRP, BUUURRRPP but instead every so often after a lot of effort, I went bpp, bipp, blp. πŸ˜›

But hey you know what? IT WORKED πŸ˜€

The tightening in my chest eased off and I was able to breathe properly again.

Moral of story : When next you have gastritis, avoid fresh fruits and wholesome meals and drink plenty of coke πŸ˜€


12 Responses to “Wealth Can’t Buy Health”

  1. Moral of the story- Ask The Puppeteer for medical advice. A/L Biology is all you need to set up a practice. πŸ˜›

    Oh come on! Coke is good…

  2. 2 Tulie

    The only thing that I’ll admit coke is good for is gastritis πŸ˜›

    And yeah, I’ll make it a point to ask you for medical advice hereafter. You make quite a good quack, indeed you do.

  3. 3 Chavie

    Don’t want to rain on your parade here, but Coke makes your intestinal acidity go up… it’s the CO2 in the coke really… not too good for you in the long run… leads to calcium deficiency I hear… πŸ˜•

    but anyways, glad you’re doing alright now! πŸ˜€ and go have some mangoes!!! lol πŸ˜‰

  4. 4 Tulie

    Hi Chavie

    Yeah, I knew about the CO2 in coke and it\’s being bad for my acidity but what the heck? It did bring me immediate relief πŸ˜€

    I didn\’t know about the calcium deficiency though – is that caused by our drinking so much coke that we forget to drink milk? πŸ˜›

  5. 5 Chavie

    actually since the acidity goes up the body automatically takes countermeasures by extracting calcium from your bones and sending it to your tummy (since calcium is a base it cancels out the acidity)

    wonderful machine we’ve got running inside us, isn’t it? πŸ˜€ πŸ˜‰

  6. 6 Gehan

    wait a min…

    the puppeteer has a heart?! :O


  7. 7 Tulie

    I assure you Gehan,

    the puppeteer indeed has a heart πŸ˜€

    With very malleable heartstrings at that.

    That’s why she goes out of her way to give a ‘Don’t Care / meanie’ reputation.

    It wouldn’t do to let it out she is not too good at manipulating others on a string like puppets but is easily worked on herself now, would it? πŸ˜›

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